Thoughts on Excellence Free E-Newsletter Series
Volume 23, Issue No. 6a
February 1, 2025
By Dan Coughlin
I’ve read and heard people say that they think guilt is a totally wasted emotion.
Wow, I disagree with that.
Your essence consists of your thoughts, emotions, and will.
If you’ve done something where you think you’re guilty of doing the wrong thing and you feel shame and you don’t like the direction your life is going, then your essence is offering you something incredibly valuable: a wake-up call.
Rather than ignore those thoughts, emotions, and direction, sit up and pay attention. Your guilt and shame are talking to you directly. It’s not what other people think and feel about you. This is about what you think and feel about yourself.
Consider carefully what your guilt and shame are trying to explain to you.
If you cheat on your expense report and you know that twenty other people do the same thing and yet you think your guilty and you feel shame, then your guilt and shame are telling you this is not the path to a healthy essence.
If everyone around you at a party is talking in what you consider to be a vulgar and nasty way and you join in and then you start to feel guilt and shame, who do you think is going to strengthen the health of your essence: you or the other people?
Obviously, guilt and shame are very personal matters. No one gets to determine for you what you should think you’re guilty about and feel shame about. What one person considers to be totally fine, another person sees as the source of true guilt and shame. This is an individual matter, not a collective one.
As an individual person, I encourage you to embrace those moments when you feel guilt and shame. Don’t run away from them. Your essence is trying to tell you something. It wants to be healthier. A healthier essence can help you be the person you truly want to be.
Some modern cars have beepers that go off when you get close to another car. Guilt and shame are like internal beepers telling you that you are moving toward an unhealthy essence. You wouldn’t keep driving your car in the direction of an accident if you knew what you were about to do so why would you continue on toward damaging your essence?
Of course, it is much easier said than done to change your thoughts, emotions, and will, even when we see they are unhealthy for your essence. I just think that guilt and shame are great indicators that it’s time to make changes within your essence.
Essential Walk Questions for You to Consider
- As you review your thoughts and emotions over the past few weeks, is there anything you think you were guilty of thinking, saying, or doing, or is there anything that you feel shame about?
- Now that you are aware of and have accepted this guilt and shame, what will you do going forward to strengthen the health of your essence?
Republishing Articles
My newsletters, Thoughts on Excellence, have been republished in approximately 40 trade magazines, on-line publications, and internal publications for businesses, universities, and not-for-profit organizations over the past 20+ years. If you would like to republish all or part of my monthly articles, please send me an e-mail at dan@thecoughlincompany.com with the name of the article you want in the subject heading. I will send you the article in a word document.